Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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