Can Purell be used as lube?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
