my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
