I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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