Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
bring money and cleavage
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
