"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
