Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
