I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
