drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
