I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
