16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
