i may or may not be watching the land before time
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And then he peed in my hair
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