She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
