Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
