I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
