For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
