Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
