Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize