Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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