Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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