Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize