i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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