Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
