That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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