i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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