I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
