he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
