In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
