White coat. Heels.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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