Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
