what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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