He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
