I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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