I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fuck appropriateness.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
