You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize