When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
