i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
