So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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