Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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