it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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