Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize