Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize