wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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