I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
