i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
