I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
