dude i'm inner monologue high
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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