Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
