You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
