I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
