You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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