did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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