Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
