I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
