the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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