I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
