go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
