how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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