So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
