My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
