A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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