I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
