So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
