I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have fence marks all over my body
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
