Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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