Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
