hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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