Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
