I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
