Can i not drive my cunt home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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