your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
