Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
