Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
