What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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