This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
