I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
